At CliovanaTM we believe you shouldn’t tolerate bad sex and we all deserve to have healthy, fulfilling sexual experiences. Yet generations of cultural and societal messaging has systemically reinforced that the male orgasm is king, and the lady orgasm is nice but not necessary. Essentially the memo we’re all given is that (at least heterosexually) sex and intercourse are the same thing, and everything else is less important “foreplay,” What’s going on here?
Biological reasons for the orgasm gap are bogus
Some have espoused that there is a biological or anatomical reason that women’s bodies aren’t built to have as many orgasms as men. But there’s plenty of research to refute this. “Women’s higher rate of orgasm during certain contexts as compared to others (i.e., masturbation vs, partner sex; sex with women vs. sex with men; casual sex vs. relationship sex with men) points to non-biological explanations for the gendered orgasm gap”.1
Societal norms and cultural expectations may influence women to prioritize their partner’s pleasure over their own. This can lead to reluctance to assert our own needs and desires during sexual encounters2. Moreover, stigma surrounding female sexuality may discourage women from seeking help or support when experiencing sexual dissatisfaction.
Sexual Script Theory
Challenging these norms and advocating for a more sex-positive culture that celebrates women’s sexual agency and autonomy is an ongoing effort. We should be encouraged to prioritize our own pleasure in sexual relationships, but this attitude is not trickling down to the next generation. One 2022 study discussed “sexual script theory”. In a traditional sexual script, (teen) girls are the gatekeepers of sexuality, explained Alice Girouard, a PhD student in University de Montreal’s Department of Psychology. Girls “are expected to restrain or ignite male sexual desire and are supposed to view sexuality as a means to achieve emotional intimacy rather than pleasure. In this traditional script, vaginal penetration is paramount, and the cisgender boy’s orgasm typically marks the end of the sexual activity.”3 More work still needs to be done in sexual education, that addresses female anatomy, sexual pleasure and equality within relationships.
Communication and Consent
We can’t discuss not tolerating bad sex without emphasizing the importance of communication and consent. Women should be empowered to communicate their desires, boundaries and preferences openly with partners. Research suggests that couples who engage in honest, open and supportive communication about their sex report higher levels of sexual satisfaction and relationship quality4. Consent is non-negotiable in any sexual encounter. We have the right to assert our boundaries and withdraw consent at any point during sexual activity.
Sexual satisfaction plays a crucial role in women living a happy and fulfilling life, and women who experience regular orgasms having reported higher levels of emotional health, physical health and overall well-being5.
If you are experiencing unsatisfying sexual encounters and are seeking support, healthcare providers, therapists and sexual health educators are a great place to start. Advocating for your needs is essential in navigating interventions to enhance sexual satisfaction, as it is with all health concerns. It’s also important for supports to offer an inclusive and validating environment.
Cliovana supports women’s sexual health
CliovanaTM has a list of practitioners (visit: https://www.cliovana.com/clinic-search/) that offer the CliovanaTM procedure if you are looking to improve your orgasmic pleasure. Our practitioners are supportive of women’s sexual health and promote prioritizing sexual satisfaction. Perhaps CliovanaTM could be a good fit for you. In the meantime, assert your sexual agency, prioritize your pleasure and say NO to bad sex.
REFERENCES
3.An UdeM-led study finds that cisgender teenage girls are less likely to achieve orgasm than teenage boys.
“Orgasm and sexual behavior among adolescents: differences across genders and dyad configurations” was published Dec. 16, 2024 in Archives of Sexual Behavior. T
